False Stoicism
How To Detect It and Avoid It
Stoicism is popular, and as such, like anything which becomes popular, it is hijacked by the talkers, salesmen, influencers, and anyone else who thinks they can turn a dime off it. The problem is: True Stoicism is not very appealing to the average person. True Stoicism is brutal, it requires deep thought, discipline, focus, and mental training. It is not something you can cherry-pick and apply here and there to get through an annoying business meeting or avoid road-rage, just to discard it later when you want to yell at your kids or get into an argument online. True Stoicism is all-or-nothing. If you’re situationally cherry-picking, then you’re not Stoic, you’re just engaged in self-gratifying pop-psychology nonsense, and nothing could be less Stoic.
To make Stoicism palatable to the average person, who mostly just wants to band-aid their daily issues, it must be watered down and turned into a self-affirming “feel-good” philosophy. Stoicism is not a feel-good philosophy, not even close. The truth is, the average person who attempts to engage in Stoicism has never read one word of the source material. They rely on pithy and trite little quotes or “advice” without context, peddled by social media influencers, designed for one-and-only-one purpose, to acquire followers and monetize. These charlatans have turned Stoicism into self-help pop-psychology foolishness. At best, some people who believe they are following and advocating Stoicism have at least read books about Stoicism, but typically these are modern interpretations of Stoicism, and again, designed to sell, not to instruct. If you have not read and studied the source materials in their entirety, you are not a Stoic, it’s as simple as that.
Bottom line, true Stoicism is too hard, too strict, and does not translate well to our well-fed, comfortable, easy modern lives. So, for one reason or another, it is diluted, bent, twisted, and contorted to fit into a modern world which ironically needs the original version more than ever. Today, most who discuss Stoicism, regardless of intentions, care more about followers, likes, and sales than they care about true Stoicism. That in itself is counter to Stoicism, and gives us our first test of a true Stoic; they couldn’t care less about followers or likes.
“The approval of the crowd is a worthless goal. What is praised by many is often to be feared by the wise.”—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 6.30
“The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.”—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 6.10
“You have been trying to win the approval of many? Let it go. What matters is whether you are in harmony with yourself.”—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 2.6
The next test of true Stoics and Stoic thought is to examine the typical pop-psychology clichés being peddled by so-called Stoic influencers, and shed Stoic light on them. The following are the typical “advice” being sold as Stoic, and the reasons they are anything but Stoic.
“Don’t feel” or “Control your feelings” or “Suppress your feelings”
🚫 False Stoicism: Emotion is bad. Be numb. Be stone.
✅ True Stoicism: Emotion is natural, but you do not obey it. You rule it through reason and controlled responses. Stoicism teaches control of responses to feelings, not suppression or control of feelings themselves.
“You may tremble in the flesh, but let your mind stand firm.” —Seneca, Letters 78
“Ignore everyone else. Focus only on yourself.”
🚫 False Stoicism: Other people don’t matter. Just “do you.”
✅ True Stoicism: You are part of the whole. Your duty is to mankind. You must act justly, not selfishly. This is a core virtue of Stoicism.
“What is not good for the hive, is not good for the bee.” —Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 6.54
“Walk into a room without comparing yourself to anyone at all.”
🚫 False Stoicism: Blind yourself to all others.
✅ True Stoicism: Compare strategically to learn, to correct, to prepare, to calibrate. Not to compete. Not to flatter or scorn. Comparison is calibration, and the Stoic is always seeking calibration.
“Take a model whose life, speech, and face you admire… Keep him always before you.” —Seneca, Letters 11
“Let it go.”
🚫 False Stoicism: Just detach. Don’t think about it. Avoid discomfort.
✅ True Stoicism: Face it. Examine it. Let it burn. Judge whether it lies within your control, and then act accordingly. Letting go is the consequence of reasoned judgment, not a tactic itself.
“Don’t hope that events will turn out the way you want, but welcome events in whatever way they happen.” —Epictetus, Enchiridion 8
“Everything happens for a reason.”
🚫 False Stoicism: Everything is meant to be. Don’t worry, it’s all for the best.
✅ True Stoicism: Everything happens in accordance with cause and effect, not for you, and not for comfort. The only meaning is what you make of it through virtue. Not “for a reason,” but according to reason. There is no divine favor.
“A blazing fire makes flame and brightness out of everything that is thrown into it.” —Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 4.1
“Stay positive.”
🚫 False Stoicism: Smile. Think good thoughts. Be optimistic.
✅ True Stoicism: Prepare for the worst. Accept fate. Act with discipline even in darkness. Face the fire. The Stoic does not “stay positive,” they stay ready.
“Rehearse the thought that you may lose everything. Let death and exile and all that is terrible be before your eyes every day.” —Epictetus, Discourses 3.24
“Just be yourself.”
🚫 False Stoicism: Don’t change. You’re perfect as you are.
✅ True Stoicism: You are raw material. Your duty is to forge yourself in virtue and in Stoic fire. The Stoic becomes, they do not remain as-is.
“Progress is not achieved by chance or accident, but by working on yourself daily.”—Epictetus, Discourses, 1.4 (paraphrased)
“Be unbothered.”
🚫 False Stoicism: Don’t let anything get to you. Be chill.
✅ True Stoicism: Things will disturb you. But you must correct your judgment and act according to reason. Peace is earned, not granted and not owed to you. “Unbothered” is not Stoic. Composed under fire is.
“You must build up your life action by action, and be content if each one achieves its goal.” —Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 8.32
When you read any pop-psychology and “feel-good” nonsense like these examples above, at best you are listening to someone with good intentions but ignorant of true Stoicism; at worst, you are listening to a fake, a salesman, and a talker who wants followers more than truth. If you choose to listen to either one, that’s fine, but don’t pretend you, or they, are Stoic—you are not, they are not.
As a final broad spectrum series of tests, ask the following questions. When someone speaks of Stoicism, observe and note, do they cite their sources and give examples, from original source material? Can they quote from memory? Do they know the history of Stoicism? Do they understand where Stoicism falls in the greater spectrum of virtue ethics? Can they compare and contrast Stoicism to other philosophies? None of these are optional for the true Stoic. A true Stoic adherent engages in daily, deep Stoic self-examination, and this is not possible without a profound understanding of the original source material and knowing where Stoicism falls in the greater spectrum of virtue ethics.
As for me, I seek Stoic discipline and focus, no more, no less. I don’t seek to extinguish or avoid the Stoic fire, I seek to burn in it, and be reforged—Stoically.
If you seek the same, follow or subscribe—or don’t.